Girlfriends

Have you ever seen someone and knew that you needed to know them?  Knew that that person was meant  to be your friend and to be an integral part of your life? Knew that there was a reason your paths were crossing and when it was right, something BIG was going to happen.   Just at first glance....

It's only happened to me a few times.  Each time, that person has brought me to a place in my life that I never believed was possible.  Each time, that person has become family to me.  Each time, that person has become one of the most important people in my life. 

One of them taught me that who I am is good enough.  She taught me that there is nothing i could do or say to make her love go away... Nothing.  I know this to the very core of my being.  She is closer than family.  She is my rock.  She has become my trusted sister/friend.  I love her dearly.


One of them has taught me that it is ok to question.  It's ok to feel the bad stuff.  It's ok to trust.  It's ok to be who i am and not have to like me all the time.  She taught me its ok to not act like i'm ok all the time.  

The last of them i don't know well yet.  I knew when I saw her a few years ago that i needed to know her.  That she would become important in my life somehow.   Some instinct told me that she would be someone who would change my life in some way and allow me to rummage around in her life for a time.  I so look forward to finding out what is in store for this relationship. What will she teach me?  What will we teach each other?  


Each of these women are strong, loving, feeling human beings.  (They don't know that, but they are.)  Each of them has so much to give to the world.  Each of them surprise me on a daily basis.  Each of them adds to my life in ways they can't imagine.  Each of them continues to teach me something every day. 

Love

Love is the friendship I have with those special friends in my life who want to know about me.  The ones who care enough to make plans a couple of weeks in advance and then really go through with them.  The ones that i am confident I wont lose touch with when one of us leaves.  The ones that let me be "me" even when that isn't who I want to be.  Love is the new friends who are helping me to go through a seemingly impossible situation - showing me that it is not impossible. 


Love is the relationship with my Brian.  Infuriating, Intoxicating, caring, boundaried, comfortable, conditional - all aspects of the same love. 

Love is the relationship with my boys.  God's gifts to me.  I have no clue what I did to deserve such wonderful gifts. Logan and Sam are my proof that God exists and that He loves me - little old me.


Love is the relationship with family.  Strained, annoying, hurtful, - still love.  This love is old.  Old love that is learning a new way to live.

Love is those five cats and one dog that have my heart.  Who love unconditionaly and without ceasing - every second of every day.  (even when they are batting my tampons all over the floor)

Love is my work.  We help people where I work.  That is our sole purpose.  Love is the client who had no christmas presents for her children because of violence and we were able to do that for her.  Love is the mother who tries to stay clean, tries to get her children back, but just cant make it yet.  Doesn't want it bad enough.  Love is saying goodbye to her.  Love is being there when a rape kit has to be done - just to hold a hand.  Love is the domestic violence survivor who comes back again and again saying she is ready this time to leave...and listening to her.  

Love is my church.  Love is the pastor saying he doesn't care if we give this week to the church, but please give to the leader of the band who needs to be with her family because of the death of her father.  Love is watching almost every member put money in that basket.  Lifepoint is a place of love - incredible, deep love.

Love is color, feeling, texture, taste, sound.   

Love is something different to us all.....

 

Thankful

There has got to be a million people blogging about what they are thankful for this season, but i am going to add my list to that list.  Mostly because i need to remind myself today.  
I am thankful for....

a best friend who can throw nothing away
ice cream
chocolate
a church that wants to make this world a better place
a job that i like to go to almost every day
hunger
pizza
doctors
SANE nurses
children who still give hugs in front of their friends
toilet paper
books
pain
cats
dogs
facebook
a paycheck
joy
cuddling on the couch watching movies on rainy days
girl brownies
love
acceptance
peace



 

I have the coolest job ever!  On any given day, I can see the worst of society and the best of society.  It's incredible to see the people who have really screwed up their life.  I mean really.  Not just a little bit - murder, rape - bad shit.  Then i see the people they hurt.  the ones who really believe they wont get through whatever it is they are being put through.  The domestic violence victim who is completely ripped apart.  The family of the murder victim who is torn into pieces. The rape victim who is shattered. These people really believe that they are done and empty.  I see them in ways they cannot see.  I see their strength.  I see the resilience.  I see what they will become after this storm is over.  The coolest thing is when they come back to me after a time and I get to really see what they have become.  How that person did not destroy them, but actually made their lives better in some way.  The strength of the human spirit is amazing.  The power people actually have inside themselves - INCREDIBLE.  (remind me of this the next time you hear me wondering what i am doing in this life.)

Disclaimer:  In no way do I intend for this post to get political.  I know it probably will, but that is not its intention. 

When I went to a training some time ago, one of the speakers was the ex-wife of the DC sniper.  She is an amazing woman and tells her story to people to help the fight against domestic violence.  That is what the DC sniper event was all about - domestic violence.  All directed at her.  Can you imagine?  Ok, so, fast forward to today.  The day before he is to be put to death.  I hear on the news, in every paper, on every internet site about his impending death and how much he deserves this.  He has committed a horrible crime and he needs to face the consequences.  Isn't that what we tell our children when they break the rules?  "Now, you must face the consequences."  Thing is... this time, this man, this father has three children.  Three children who he was an amazing father to for a few years before he went to a war.  Three children who will always love him.  Three children who are also "facing the consequences".  Three children who have been counting down the days until their father dies - is put to DEATH. This isn't "getting grounded, or getting their phone taken away" this is one of the most important people in their lives DYING.  They didn't do anything to deserve this hell.  They are paying a price for something so very wrong, but they had nothing to do with.  Can you imagine what these last few hours must be like for them?  Can you imagine being their mother and supporting them through this? 

Medicine Cabinet

I was cleaning out my medicine cabinet the other day.  What an annoying and tedious job!  Unfortunately, it had been far too long since i last accomplished this task.  Like, years...  I found, after pulling them all out, that each of them brought back a memory from a time in my life that was important to me.  Even if it was just important enough to know i never want to feel that way again!  Wierd how something so annoying can become a cool trip down memory lane!  There was the medicine that the doctor gave me when i felt horrible and had some kind of virus that i kicked before all the medicine was gone (thats what it says on the bottle, right??  Stop taking when you feel better.).  There was the medicine (this stuff could make me a rich woman on the streets now) that was for my son when we thought he had ADD....There is all the children's medicine (the good tasting kind and, ironically, almost full bottles of the bad tasting kind) that my kids are too old to take now.  There was that one bottle of medicine that had a myriad of different pills in it that I swore I would remember what was in it and when i put it there, but now, i have no clue.  There were the empty bottles of hormones and shots that i took before I got pregnant with Ann.  Then there was the medicines that I took when I was pregnant with her (or didn't take in some cases because I knew better than the doctor and those things should not be given to a pregnant woman!).  However, had I taken them, I may not have thought I would die of dehydration in the first trimester....Most of these medicines got flushed down the toilet, but the memories are still sharp in my mind....

Blogs

I have been reading/investigating blogs in the last few days.  I find some of them are like diaries... some are commentaries... some are filled with photos... some, not so much....   All of them must have a cathartic effect on their writer because the author  keeps coming back day after day - sometimes hour after hour.  Each type of blog I have seen gives me something - gives me a feeling of that person - whether I know them or not.  Just looking at how these pages are organized, colored, fonted (is that a word?), how spacing is used, how capitals are used - all of this makes a difference to the writer and obviously, to the reader.  This is a new world - a new way of communicating that seems to have taken on a life of its own.  (wonder if sociologists have done studies...)  Each of them is an extension of the person writing.  Each of them is beautiful.  Each of them is.... life being "done" a different way.  I enjoy that.

First post

Nervous. Unsure. Excited. This new world - blogging. Too often I have thought of it. Too often i have put it off for a different day. THIS seems to be the day. Now, what do I do? So many things run around in my head on a daily basis. Some of them have to be let out. Somehow - will this be the avenue? Surely my head things are no different than others. Surely what I say will resonate. If not, and it's just for me, than that is the way it should be. So far, feels pretty comfortable. Kind of like an old friend......